Surprise!

This man I met recently is all wrong on paper, he is exactly the wrong man for me. And I have only known him a few weeks. He is smart but unpretentious, calm, rooted, happy, stable, and everything that I typically am not attracted to and should be attracted to, but he is not brilliant. Nor is he exceptionally ambitious. And he is unironic--I don’t get his humor. He doesn’t get mine. He is all wrong for me. My attraction to him comes as a surprise – the fact that it has transcended mere physicality is a surprise anyway – he is a beautiful man.

But he is exceptionally good, sweet and kind and open. And I look at him and my ovaries scream babies. Which is something that none of the derelict men I have been with or been attracted to up until this point have ever inspired, mostly because they all have been in very real senses children themselves.

He is not who I expected. He is not what I expected.

And maybe it’s not him. Maybe it's me. Maybe I am not what I expected, after all.