It is hard to say or know what the right thing to do is in the context of a relationship. There are passions that are meant to be resisted, and those that are not. There are compromises that are meant to be made, and those that are not. There are things that will work, with work, and those that will not. There are relationships that are not wrong, and there are those that are right. There is a difference, I think.
And maybe putting your needs aside for the sake of another is a noble thing, a pure thing, a true thing-but putting your needs aside makes for a very long life. A long and miserable life. Putting your needs first might make for a long and lonely life. Is one less valid than the other? Of course not.
And when you’re in the thick of it, when you are in the eye of the storm, it’s hard, if not impossible to see what you should do. Emotions run high and there is so much investment. And what’s easy is not necessarily right. And what’s hard is not necessarily wrong.
And who am I to say?
Still, in the context of this early November morning, the first early November morning of my embargo year, I would like to propose now several ad hoc rules that everyone would be well-served to keep in mind.
The first, which is at once the most elementary and also the most difficult to internalize is that you cannot make someone love you who does not. (Rule one is actually the first rule of life. It is also the root of much emotional diarrhea, most targeted gun violence, and virtually all popular music. But I digress.)
The second rule is that a pairing must make sense internally and there must be great love for a relationship to work; each is necessary, neither alone is sufficient.
The third: the notion that love can conquer all is utterly fatuous, or as my dear sweet grandmother would say, a crock of shit.
And fourth: While love may not conquer anything else, with it, perhaps we can conquer ourselves. And that, I think, is the point.
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